A compilation of hilarious jokes for the festive mood

Tonight was good!

Добірка сміховинних анекдотів для святкового настрою

Then you have a black eye?
– You know, at the bus stop saw a girl whose dress is stuck up your arse. I took it and slowly began to pull out.
– It you want it?
– I also thought so, then a finger began to push back, informs Rus.Media.

***

Mom going to work. Daughter 4 years old.
– Daughter, I work, you saknes the door don’t open to anyone!!
– Okay, mom.
Mother came, thinking I need to check. Knocks.
– Who’s there?
Rough voice: “It is we, the gasman came to check the gas equipment.”
Silence. Then a bass voice from behind the door:
“Go to hell, we have coal heat!”

***

Here soooo… I said Granny, examining Thong on the market…. If traptest something obstaculiza anywhere!!

***

Returning home at night… there was a girl… looked around, picked up pace… I also sped up… she ran… and I ran… she screamed and I yelled… don’t know from whom we fled, but it was bloody scary…..

***

Man in the bus goes and thinks: “Wife – bitch friends – scum, the head – tyrant, work sucks, life sucks…”
Behind the man stands an angel, writes in a notebook and thought: “What strange desires, and most importantly – the same every day! But nothing can be done, it is necessary to perform…”

***

The groom makes the bride from the marriage on his hands. She in his ear:

– Dima, we’re already married?

Yes.

– Give the neck will change.

***

Sit fishing men. Caught a goldfish.

She:

– Let go I’ll give you three… Well, three of you one wish!
One:
Yeah I’m rich, I need nothing I have everything, only cockroaches zadolbali!!!!! I only didn’t poison!!!!!
Fish gives him a matchbox and says:
– There are small cockroaches will release it at home, it is all the cockroaches will eat and he will die))))
Second:
– So I, too, rich, I you anything will do it, here are just a mouse at home than I have not hunted does not help!!!!!!
Fish he also matchbox:
– There is a little mouse, will release him, he all the mice will eat and he will die))))))
Third:
I just did you guys get out, I got nothing, and needs nothing!!!!! Maybe you have a little policeman????????

***

Guy decides to have a cat and he hates cats. So one day, while his wife left for work, the guy throws the cat on the back seat of the car, drives a few blocks and let it free.

When he returns home, the cat sits on the porch.

So the next day, the guy waits until his wife going back to work, and then throws the animal into the car, drove about a mile and throws the cat.

When he returns home, the cat again sitting on the porch.

Well, the guy in rage. Thus, he waits until the next day, then throws the cat in the car and goes as fast and long as he can, making many turns to confuse the cat. He throws the animal and goes home, but realizes that he is lost. Then he calls his wife and asks:

– Lucy the cat at home?
Yes.
– Well-ka give him the phone!!!

***

What you have is on the pavement drew?
– Sunshine!
– It is beautiful. And this?
– The kitten!
– Great! When domarus house, circle, finally, dead, Lieutenant!

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