The child is not afraid to speak the truth, he must have adequate self-esteem. Understand how to achieve it.
Size 1 every parent wants to raise your child happy, successful, he faced with mistakes and criticism, and bravely overcame them, evolved and moved on. It is possible under the condition that the child developed a normal, stable self-esteem, which is not shaken from his first comments. Then there would be no need to lie to justify parental expectations, and the errors would be for him not a disaster, and the stage of development.
What parents can do to not overdo it with praise, or rigor, and to raise a child with self-esteem? Psychologists suggest the following.
Acknowledge your full responsibility for the child
If mom and dad are consistent in their words and deeds, then the world is child resistant and clear. It is through their attitude the kid folds his opinion of himself. Simply put, if the parent love for a child does not depend on their mood, it is much easier to form an adequate opinion.
And parents need to recognize that if they can’t do something in their parental duties – that is their fault, not the child. They don’t have the patience not to shout, not “child driven”. That they disrupt the child tired, angry at the chief and irritability headache and not with a child “in another way”. If the parents cannot put baby to sleep, feed, tablet PC or to convince to go to kindergarten – it is solely their decision to surrender and not to do it.
Sincerely interested in his child
Not his successes and failures, not by comparing it with classmates and children of her friends, specifically her child. How can there be confidence in a child who is not interested, if he doesn’t: 1) do good 2) do something very bad. The rest of the time it consider, does not exist, because the parents he is not interested.
You need to learn to talk with the child, without knowing information about the individual, which he wants to share, not concentrating attention on the assessment or some of its shortcomings. Just talking about his interests, thoughts about everything and nothing, to share, to discuss the show, music, book. That is how the child will feel important and significant, not when once again it will report that “eat in the hat.”
Less criticize the child
It is believed that criticism motivates to action. This is not so. Continuous or categorical criticism kills all desire to do something. Even if your comments coerce the child out of anger something to prove to you – are you sure this is the motivation that will help him make the right decisions in life? With the years it will turn into an insecure adult who will do harm to themselves only to evil parents knockers. With adequate self-esteem, this kind of education has nothing to do. Try to restrain yourself from comments, watch for words and language, their children are very well characterized.
Support when the child makes a mistake
Without mistakes can not learn anything. And children are not afraid of them, until adults begin to shame, blame for mistakes and try to show how bad make. And then the child becomes insecure, afraid to make mistakes – and therefore afraid to act, to learn new things and anything at all to do, to take the initiative.
Another mistake adults rush to help, not allowing the child to understand his mistake and try again. Already since 2-3 years it is possible to ask the child whether he needs your help. And if you don’t need should not interfere, let him study. If the child asks for help – then you should suggest to push the solution to the problem, but not to do everything for him, but only to send. And to make it clear that you are always there for you if your help is still needed.
Praise the child for his victory over yourself, not others
Psychologists say that it is not necessary to suggest to the child that he is the best and does everything better than other children. Or Vice versa – which makes worse than others. To compare the achievements of the child only with his own past achievements. This is true for adults. You cannot compare yourself with those who have a different starting situation, motivation and ability to achieve some goal.
The child believed in himself, he needs to see his real success that he surpassed himself yesterday. Belittling others, that the child felt like a winner, in fact as they will play a trick on him in the future when the real communication and competition.
Show that you trust the child, even if you see that he’s lying
Most children lie from the fear of parents. Accordingly, revising their methods of education, you will save yourself from the need to listen uncertain the explanation of the child why he did something or did not do. If we are not talking about danger to the life or health of the child, release the situation and show that you trust the words of a child. Then he’ll come and tell you the truth, if the situation becomes dangerous or out of control.
Always be on the side of the child
This, unfortunately, is not all parents, especially when the child becomes a teenager. Take it with all its emotions and interests, like, be interested in them, not engage in confrontation. You are his rear and support. Be consistent, do not impose your ideas about life, love and happiness. No matter how difficult as it would be unfair not behaved kid in the hands of parents the key to his healthy self-esteem and trust.