Dependence on parents is a serious problem which can only be a dependent child.
For their parents we will always remain children, so they strongly concern that in some cases develops into excessive care. How to not be dependent on mom and dad, and to start an independent life?
The stages of development of relations between children and parents
Before you delve into the essence of dependent parents, you should analyze your relationship with them. As a rule, they develop in several stages:
- A positive symbiosis. Such mutually beneficial co-existence or even cooperation continues from birth until about 10-12 years. At this stage, the child is almost entirely dependent on parents, considers them the most important and influential people in their lives, and their opinion is decisive and the only true.
- A negative symbiosis. Previously supported the ideals begin to break down, life principles and views of children change, she realizes that is a whole person, and begins to fully prove the independence and tries to break free of parental dependence. The opinion of peers is now more important than the perspective of the moms and dads, especially if they can’t or don’t want to meet the growing demands.
- Separation, that is separation from parents and formation of man as a complete, fully formed, independent personality. In the process of separation is the awareness of self, acceptance of responsibility, the formation of will and basic qualities. The separation begins in adolescence and ends after 20 years, sometimes sooner or later.
- Autonomy is the completion of separation. At this stage, the person is fully independent and lives its own independent life. She is freed from the influence of the views of parents, although all the same can to listen to them, but calls defines and maintains boundaries, not allowing parents to exert pressure. Dad and mom gradually accept the situation and realize that child grew up and no longer in need of care.
The types and causes of addiction
There are two main types depending on the parents. The most common material dependence. In this case, parents continue almost completely to contain an adult child or constantly provide it with financial assistance, without which the child cannot do. This dependence develops, primarily, the fault of mom and dad, who never skimped on buying anything and did not spare money for spending. As a result, the child used to this, so can not learn to make money and continue to expect support from parents, informs Rus.Media.
Psychological or emotional addiction is not less common. In General, a close relationship with the mother and father may persist throughout life, and is quite normal. But at the same time, it needs a little weaker and to purchase certain limits. And if not, the child continues to rely heavily on parental opinion, is under the influence or even pressure, often feels a sense of shame or guilt towards parents, if doing something counter to their opinion.
In the development of dependence almost always blame the parents, because the norm is that the child must become independent, to start my own life. Often mother and father prevent this, and for several reasons.
The fear of loneliness, old age
Many parents, having only heir, I’m afraid in my old age to remain single, so try to keep the child near him, to prove to her that she will not be able to live independently. And often it fails, but the child lives a boring and unhappy life.
Excessive influence, strictness of parents
In this case, the child is so used to total control and constant pressure, which in adult life can not get rid of it or even uncomfortable. In addition, the child who was brought up in harsh conditions, often cannot make independent decisions and depends heavily on parental opinion.
Hyperopic syndrome is not a rare phenomenon in which the normal concern turns into total control. And the child grows in permanent bans, separated from real life and used to do everything myself, just can not adapt to real conditions and adult independent existence.
A strong sense of ownership
For such parents, the child, unfortunately, is the property of, whose life they have the right to manage. The selfishness of the parents, who think only about themselves and don’t care about the child’s future.
How to identify
To reckon with the views of parents and respect them, and occasionally receive minor financial assistance is quite normal, as for the parents, children are loved, young, helpless, and ignorant.
But if the concern turned into will hyperopic, you will certainly have a dependency that can be detected on the basis of strong exposure to father and mother, the inability to make decisions, the perception of parental opinions as Nino, persistent doubt of the committed actions (after all, they might not approve of mom and dad), guilt and shame for disagreeing or trying to go against.
How to reset the bonds of addiction
Dependence on parents is a serious problem which can only be this dependent people. But how to get rid of such oppression, to start an independent life and to understand the father and mother, it was time to let the adult bird out of the nest? To achieve freedom, follow a few recommendations:
- Start normally earn. Prove to your parents that you are no longer dependent on them financially and can support themselves.
- Install the border. Give dad and mother understand that you can make decisions on their own and do not intend to act according to their instructions.
- What if parents resist and resent? Patience and try every possible way to show that independence does not interfere with the mutual love and close communication.
- Start to help parents to understand that now you will take care of them in gratitude for what they taught you. Bring them food, carry shopping, acquire the necessary devices, help around the house – any support is important and relevant from the point of view of signs of independence.
- A drastic measure is the move to independent housing, even in a rented apartment. And desirable to your new place of residence was as far away from home: so father and mother will not be able to come and meddle in your Affairs. But don’t forget mom and dad so they don’t feel left out: call, come, invite them to visit you.
Possible negative consequences
What are the risks of dependence on parents? Especially much she could hurt the guy, because males must take a leading position in the relationship and be able to contain not only himself but also the family. But dependent father and mother the girl, too, will not be easy.
The consequences of this problems with their own children in the future, difficulties in relationships with the opposite sex, the development of other addictions (alcohol, gambling, drugs), difficulties in professional activities, fears, immaturity, self-doubt, low self-esteem, as well as complete breakdown of communication with parents.