A lot of people who are not satisfied with their sex life, you can’t talk about it with your partner and quietly suffer, or looking for “happiness on the side.”
It would seem that in our time there is no place for shame. Talking about sex on TV, write books, hold seminars, and photo of naked bodies can be found in any magazine. But a lot of people who are not satisfied with their sex life, you can’t talk about it with your partner and quietly suffer, or looking for “happiness on the side.” But to improve your personal life, enough to stock up on tact and willingness to listen to the other one, drop the shame and start conversation.
About how to build a conversation about sex that he received constructively, and led to the desired results, we will now discuss.
Why are we silent. It so happened that in our culture there is no tradition to speak on this topic. In childhood our parents told us about sex and shyly looked away and translated the conversation to another topic, when we put them “uncomfortable” questions. As a result, we felt a sense that this topic was a taboo to talk about it awkwardly. In addition, our vocabulary describes sexual experiences very poor and it is difficult for us to Express what we feel. In addition, it is believed that in a loving couple mutual understanding, and people need to have the gift of telepathy and understand the other without words. And if not, then paired that something is wrong. Recognize your differences and discuss them in General is difficult, psychologists say.
Like all other people. Some believe that the recognition that they have something wrong so sign of their own inadequacy, lack of temperament or frigidity. The feeling of dissatisfaction contribute to myths about sex. For example, about how many times a week is “normal” to have sex, or that orgasm man and woman must reach at the same time. As a result, instead of focusing on feelings, the couple tries to adapt to each other’s rhythm and it becomes the main control over their condition. Paradoxically, the sex, and the successful pairs of assure for the quality of sexual sensations main thing is to relax and not try.
How and when to begin. Once the couple starts living together they formed their own system of intimate relations: who should be the first to take the initiative or how to seduce the partner. They don’t talk about it, trying to guess by the reactions, gestures and facial expressions partner what is acceptable in their relationship, dodueva for him what he had in mind, infecting each other their concerns and fears.
This is because we think that if we start to discuss the technical side of the question, then, automatically deprive the process of romance. Besides, I’m afraid such talk would hurt the partner, because many (especially men) hear in these conversations is the claims and accusations of their insolvency. And confessing their erotic fantasies, we are afraid of ridicule and condemnation. And it’s better to get into the habit of discussing my personal life with partner in the beginning stages of the relationship.
Sexologists say about the experiment which they conducted in pairs. They asked partners to describe their erotic fantasies and sexual desires and to exchange records. Often written in the notes coincide.
How to do it. It is especially difficult to start talking about sex, it is not strange that well-established couples who have been living together. Unexpected Declaration of dissatisfaction can destabilize relationships and surprising: “so much time is not happy, you don’t say?»
In this case, a spontaneous desire to speak on this subject can lead to a quarrel. But this does not mean that do not need to say, just important to choose the right moment.
The conversation should not occur “among other things” for no reason over a Cup of coffee and don’t have to start him in bed during intimacy.
Better to talk when you both have free time and do not rush. Immediately agree that while one said, while the other listens and does not interrupt. Better to start with the good, with the fact that you like sex with a loved one. For example, “I lose control when you do it.” Also it is not necessary to evaluate the actions of the partner, to criticize it, it is better to speak on his behalf: “I would love to try this, I would be pleased if you could …»
To realize their desires. By itself, sex is a powerful communication tool and guide the partner during sexual intercourse. Because he can’t read your mind and don’t have to know what you would like. In turn, it is not necessary to do what you don’t like or tolerate, gritting his teeth,