I’ve been with my partner for three years, and a month ago she cheated on me. We discuss the matter and I found out from that that this guy she cheated on is well endowed, lasted longer than me, and has a great sex drive. She now wants us to fix things, but I feel uncomfortable knowing all this. I’m afraid I’m not going to satisfy her and that she ends up going back to this person and that I will get hurt. That I can possibly do to get through all of this?
Don’t believe your partner’s description of the other guy. It sounds spiteful. Is there a reason why I would try to hurt you? Is she angry or resentful with you for any reason? It is time for a quiet conversation to try to understand each other much better and have the opportunity to express your true feelings without having to blame or insult. Tell him honestly that you feel uncomfortable and scared and say, “Please help me understand your feelings as well.” After a breach of trust, it takes time to repair a damaged relationship, and the hazy specter of a rival’s size is really the least of your worries.
For advice from Pamela on sexual matters, please send us a brief description of your concerns at [email protected] BLOCK (do not send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses a problem to answer, which will be posted online. He regrets that he is unable to conduct personal correspondence. Presentations are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms.