Smile a new day. Jokes for a good mood for today 15 February 2018

Jokes for a good mood for today 15 February 2018.

Посміхніться новому дню. Анекдоти для доброго настрою на сьогодні 15 лютого 2018

***

A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer.

When he asked for the bill, baman said:

– 27 UAH.

The man pulls out from a pocket 27 hryvnia coins of 1 hryvnia and throws them over the bar.

The bartender turned pale, but, without saying a word, raised money.

The next day comes again, the man orders a glass of beer.

When calculating the bartender again says:

– 27 UAH.

The man puts on the counter 50 hryvnia Bamako.

“It’s time to pay you!”Thinks the bartender.

He gets 23 coins, each with par value of 1 hryvnia and throws them across the rack in the hall.

Coins scattered in all corners.

The man thought for a moment, then pulls out 4 rouble coins, gives them to the bartender with the words:

– Another Cup of beer!

***

The word “school” – only 95% recall on the doorway and only 5% of the fish!

***

A girl wakes up in bed between two men, one hands her a cigarette, the other a lighter,

the girl blissfully goes on and says:

– What would my mom said if she saw me Smoking?

***

There are two clitoris:

– Say you frigde …

– Who says ?!

– Evil tongues …

***

– Expensive! What’s wrong with you?! On your face there!

– We are in 69, you idiot!

***

To get up in 7 hours for work is torture.

Getting up at 4: fishing – vacation.

***

Two secretaries.

– Do you know me today, boss is such a beautiful bouquet gave way. Probably the evening will again spread legs.

– And you have that house vases no?

***

– Maria Ivanovna, are You today without a bra come from?

– Vovochka, how did you know?

– So You have to face all the wrinkles are out …

***

Grandma sits in the market selling apples.

– Apples, apples from Chernobyl!

Says man:

– You, grandma, shut up they are from Chernobyl, who do you take.

Take my dear, who the boss who the mother-in-law!

***

Husband and wife having lunch.

The wife spills soup on himself:

– Boo! I look like a pig!

– Aha. .. Yes, And the soup was soaked!

***

Two drunks sit in an empty apartment.

– Listen, friend, you respect me?

So now I go ahead. And when I again wants to drink, you Wake me.

How will I know that you wanted me again to drink?

Then you just Wake up, okay?

***

Thinks the student before the exam: “Pass – drunk … And I won’t – too drunk …”

Then I think: “I still get drunk!”And bought a bottle in advance.

Comes to the exam, and the bottle rests in the inner pocket.

Well, worried, clear, hands shaking, took the ticket and dropped it on the floor.

Trying to bend, and the bottle prevents.

He got it and put it on the table.

And when I raised the ticket – the Professor asks:

– Cucumber is?

– No. ..

– Then four!

***

In the questionnaire I filled out before surgery, was the question: who to call in case of emergency …

I wrote: a more qualified surgeon.

***

A young father in a panic calling the pediatrician:

– Doctor, what to do? Three-year-old daughter had drunk the green stuff!

So, what baby looks like now, what does?

– What makes … Smiling green lips, his green tongue through his green teeth … Doctor, what do I do ?!

In the tube the laughter of the doctor: – Take pictures!

***

A man traveling by car.

The internal voice says, “Stop and dig here.”

Dig, dig … found a bag of gold!

Going further, an inner voice said to him: “Drop the bag into the sea.”

The man thinks: “it’ll probably pop up 10 bags”.

Gave up – nothing came up!

And the inner voice: “did you See gurgled !?»

***

The third critical day of his wife.

The husband has a morning erection …

The wife finds this thing under the covers:

– About! I the speed lever found! Where are we going?

– Stand in neutral – red light!

***

Men’s logic:

– Well, that is a fur hat, a padded jacket and boots. But warm!

Women’s logic: – Think – brains and W @ PU froze. But it is beautiful!

***

In the village built a cell phone tower.

A month later the population had a complaint that they say the headaches, deterioration of health, blah-blah-blah.

Response from the Director was simple: “It’s all nonsense. Just think what happens when we turn …”

***

Mom, let’s take a kitten!

– No baby, when he grows up will be crap in the corners!

– A tiger cub?

– No, when he grows up, crap in the corners will we.

***

Share Button
Loading...