Smile a new day. Jokes for a good mood on March 16, 2019

Jokes for a good mood on March 16, 2019.

Посміхніться новому дню. Анекдоти для доброго настрою на 16 березня 2019 року

Positive emotions are important to humans, it is therefore necessary to regularly replenish the good mood of cheerful anecdotes, informs Rus.Media.

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And how did you get that already in three places in the jaw to break?
– Yes, I’m on the excavator work. Friday night look – a manhole is not closed.

Well, I think, over the weekend, sure some kid will fall down!

Someone had covered him with a bucket. Monday’s coming, start, bucket raise, and there are three plumbers!

***

Boys, don’t be fooled by girls. First, cheating is not a man. Secondly, girls will eat you for that the whole brain tea spoon.

***

Chukchi say:
Petrol price will rise again.
The answer:
– I don’t care, I’m always on a hundred rubles made.

***

In the exam asking the student:
– What, in your opinion, is the one-way street?
Is this the street where my car can hit only from behind.

***

Returns ment in the morning from duty, only undressed to sleep, and the wife yells from the bedroom:
– Run in a stall behind beer.
The COP, cursing, get in shape and ran to the stall. The salesman at the stall asked him:
– You fired from work?
– Why would it?
– Yes, form on you fireman.

***

– Rose! I have long hair. It’s awful. How do I save?
– It’s the little things! Put them in a cardboard box.

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– Who was sitting in my chair? Who ate from my plate?
That’s why I didn’t want to move in with you.

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– Rabinovich, why are you divorced with your wife?
– For purely religious reasons. She worships money and I have none.

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A good husband is almost impossible to find.

Men are like public toilets: either already busy or full… or not functioning.

***

I know the password! I see ATM! I think my husband will be tomorrow not happy…

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– Where did you learn to swear, Vovochka?
– You can’t teach it, it is the gift of nature!

***

– What happens when you sing the Blues backwards?
The rain was over, the wife came back, the dog was resurrected.

***

Calling a student at three in the morning to the teacher. Sleepy teacher:
– Hello?
– Petrovich, you’re a dick!
– Who says?
– They all say so…

***

Change the book “About tasty and healthy food” to “First aid for poisoning”.

***

Ivan Tsarevich secret from the Princess frog went to toad!

***

The farther into the forest, the Fig will come back.

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– Saro, hear Jasmine smell?
– Hear, hear. Not deaf.

***

– How to learn to say “no”?
Very simply, think of your Registrar.

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– What a cute kitty! It’s a boy or a girl?
– Will grow and will solve itself.

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On an empty stomach can’t think, but it is good to dream.

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One can endlessly look at three things: how fire burns, how water flows and how Britain leaves the EU.

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One of the main tasks of parents is to become unnecessary for their child.

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According to forecasts, the summer this year promises to be warm – warmer than spring.

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Ad: “Bachelor with sixteen acres of land wants to get acquainted with a female tractor driver”.

***

From the students ‘ residence had disappeared all cats. Here are the pies.

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The doctor brags to a friend:
– None of my patients yet I have not complained!
Of course, no one came out alive.

***

You know what truckers call cyclists?

Crispies!

***

Girls can distinguish between 348 shades of lipstick, but a normal guy from an asshole – ever.

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Spent the night together. I and the mosquito. He sang. I was clapping.

***

– You have a good jacket.
– I know. Even my grandfather wore. In it and buried.

***

I want to marry you, but I understand that my desire is not enough, so I took a gun.

***

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