Smile a new day. Jokes for a good mood on the 17th of March 2019

Jokes for a good mood on March 17, 2019.

Посміхніться новому дню. Анекдоти для доброго настрою на 17 березня 2019 року

Positive emotions are important to humans, it is therefore necessary to regularly replenish the good mood of cheerful anecdotes, informs Rus.Media.

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Whatever you give a woman, she’ll do something even better. If you give her an apartment, she will make a comfortable home. If you give her groceries, she will make a delicious meal. Woman multiplies and develops. So, if you made her some tiny piece of shit, be ready to get back ton her back.

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Until you stand face to the past, you’re an asshole to his future!

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In our abnormal time any normal person insane by the fact that she is normal.

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Asked the stewardess to get me to another place, because sitting next to a child who is crying. It turns out that it is prohibited, when the child is yours.

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It’s hard to overcome bad habits – so they are very fast. Only Smoking will fight, you see, and already got drunk to celebrate.

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Men love football, beer and soft sofa.

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I understand that coffee and cigarettes is fashionable and cool, all that. But you must admit, tea and cookies are still delicious.

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Female logic is designed to ophl male psyche.

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When you say that no one except you can not do that, it means that other such fools.

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Fools are afraid of vampires, and smart bankers.

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There’s only one place where you are always welcome and accepted you for who you are.
– Dom?
Hell.

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Want in old age was a friend whom I called and shouted:
– Hey, rarity, where and when are we going to spend pension?! And she replied:
– I’m for any kipish except the cemetery and validol!

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– Mom, ice cream healthier than hot dogs?
– Son, now even healthier to smoke than those sausages!

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Free diagnostics is to troubleshoot non-existent problems.

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To do at the gym to become slim and beautiful is not for me. Become such as the result of a miracle, that’s it, I agree.

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Monkeys can speak, but are silent that they are not forced to work.

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On the grave of Alzheimer’s customary to leave forget-me-nots.

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In life as in Boxing: the important thing is not how hard you apply the strokes and what is the force of the punch you can handle.

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If the wife cannot cope with all the household duties need to help her – to another woman.

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– Abrash, you have a plaster on his forehead. This is a work injury?
– No. Wanted to say Irocz that soup it delicious and very tasty, but did not finish the sentence.

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The wife accompanies her husband on the resort:
Please don’t waste your money on things that at home you can have for nothing.

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In the Studio:
– What are we going to sew?
Dress!
– Waist and bust – their own, or ours?

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The grandson comes to his grandmother on her birthday with a huge bouquet of roses.

Grandma:
Thank you, dear grandson! What beautiful roses and so similar to the ones that grow in my garden!
– Will not grow, grandma.

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Gypsy woman with two young children calls the new Russian apartment – in front of her powerful metal door with a bunch of bells and whistles and bars. Opens the owner.

Gypsy:
The handsome, cross my palm with silver!
New Russian:
– You Cho, in nature! Its the same with the door off.

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Talking to two friends. One says:
– I used to think that hard when come “critical days”.

It turns out, difficult when they do not occur.

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Comes the girl in the pharmacy:
– Excuse me, how do you have temperance?
Seller:
– Excuse me, what?
Girl:
I heard that the only birth control that always works is abstinence. What do you have it?

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Coach comes in the locker room before an important match and he says to the players, lifting the tip of the tie:
I lose my lucky tie. Never it is not lost.
– Come on!? Do never?
– Of course. Today I first time put it on.

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Well it is impossible to please everyone, you need someone to annoy for a change.

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– What you tonight in your dreams?
– I don’t remember, but apparently something very pleasant. Otherwise I doubt I would have shot in her sleep with a pillow pillow case.

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Granddaughter made a discovery! According to her, the heat from the summer days lengthened, and in the winter from the cold shortening.

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– Potatoes don’t, mommy, I have an empty plate full of meatballs.

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– Honey, buy me a mink coat!
I don’t have that kind of money?
– Darling, you’ve got two kidneys and I was alone.

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