The challenges of a breakup

The challenges of a breakup

To be left, to leave or to choose to leave by mutual agreement. These three scenarios each have their share of pain or distress. Sometimes a breakup leaves scars that take so long to heal that a love life full of hope and beautiful moments is only painfully possible. And what about resuming an active sex life after a long period of crying or dismay? Some challenges come in the way of separated people, but not all are insurmountable! What are the main challenges to overcome after a breakup?

The pain experienced is not automatically proportional to the length of a relationship, as many people think. Indeed, it happens that some people feel immeasurable pain after having broken a bond of a few months.

The shock that leaves a devastating wave obscures any other event in the life of the person left or who has left. Few people manage to navigate these troubled waters with confidence – many use multiple defense mechanisms to get through it. These shells make it possible both to protect oneself from the suffering that rumbles, but also to continue to function on a daily basis. However, these strategies rarely prove to be effective in the long term.

Accepting to face up to what is happening will, for a large majority, be a way of starting a process of improving the quality of life. Sometimes with help and support. This period of shock, like all stages moreover, is not defined in time, that is to say it varies enormously from one person to another and even from one moment of life. to another. The emotions intensely experienced at this time are certainly overwhelming and sometimes take time to subside.

For many healthcare professionals, the stages of a romantic break-up are very similar to those of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance).

Navigate the waters of rupture

  • Shock. In this phase, your whole body may be on alert: fatigue, anxieties, physical pain, sadness, guilt, depression … Conversely, maybe for a period, like an empty shell, you will no longer feel emotions or envy for anyone, as if your heart had been ripped out1.
  • The withdrawal. Some will harbor the hope of a return, continue to bond, but the pain of lack wins out and forces the person to move on.
  • Guilt. Self-esteem is sometimes destroyed, reconstruction takes time and effort.
  • Anger. At that moment, you feel ready to defend yourself, to kick in the stretchers. Anger, well channeled, allows you to evolve and rebuild your self-esteem.
  • We get up. With a heart full of hope and positivism, life is coming back to life!

It goes without saying that these stages can be broken down into other words and give rise to a wide spectrum of emotions for each person. They change according to each person's experience, but also according to the past relationship, history and how things ended.

1 The 5 essential phases of mourning in love , Audrey Miagat, 2016,

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