The couple and the forgiveness

Le couple et le pardon

Choose a married life necessarily involves adjustments. Disagreements, disputes and collisions will generate all sorts of injuries and make sure that the partner will react, resulting in consequences.

Consequences that can either feed the torque to be the poison… Some people adopt strategies in order to move beyond conflicts, which allows the couple to live in a relationship more harmonious, more loving. Forgiveness, a word very simple, but so full of meaning. What does he mean exactly ? Is it all forgive in a relationship ? What is the forgiveness ?

To forgive is not to forget

Forgiving does not mean forgetting or denying what the other has done that has been hurtful. This is not to pass at any price above this does not seem insurmountable. Forgiveness is rarely self-evident. Approach often liberating, it involves a lot of investment and introspection, but it requires time and energy. Is it forgive ? The betrayal of sexual infidelity ?

If it is virtually impossible to forget a traumatic event or a situation that has provoked a lot of emotions (anger, humiliation, frustration), it is perhaps natural that the reflex is to do as if… As if that’s not you bother, that you were trying to do as if the attack or the injury is ” not that bad “. Sometimes, the suffering is so great of being hurt.e, tricked, and deceived.e or humiliated.e as the reflex of protection has been triggered : we prefer to minimize or find excuses. These false pardons are only smoke screens, and can provide a calming and sincere. Accept the truth in the face, to dare to look at it and name things are a part of the process. Forgive, not forget, it is choose to initiate a process of change, of healing. For itself, and not the other.

About his pain

A suffering, it is related to infidelity or any other behavior or attitude offensive deserves special attention. This suffering has advantage to be said, but not to anyone. The ear that will be listening will be not only attentive and non-jugeante, but also discreet and not try to console or give advice. When the situation is problematic and causes a lot of suffering (victims of violence, for example), the assistance of a professional is still important, because to find a safe place to live a process of healing and trust.

Everything is to forgive ?

To arrive at forgiveness, it is necessary to understand what actually happened. Give yourself time for reflection allows you to not only not react under the impact of the emotions, but also – and especially – not to take any decision too quickly. Forgiveness, as we said earlier, does not mean forgetting or denying the facts. For the psychologist Robin Casarjian, forgiveness is “an attitude of responsibility for the choice of our perceptions, a decision to see beyond the personality of the offender, a process of transformation of our perceptions […] that transforms us from victim to co-creator of our reality” (PasseportSanté, December 2016).

According to several people, do not forgive… And you, what is your opinion about it ? Pardonneriez–you unfaithful ? Have you already done ? What is it that brought you to do or not to do ?

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