12 — Archer
Honorary 12th place goes to the archers who win do not need at all. Don’t open the champagne and celebrate the coming of easy win! First, record yourself in the ball book, the principle by which lady Archer is guided in relations: “Sex is not a reason for acquaintance”. Well, just so you know. Because after sex with Sagittarius men typically want to immediately jump out of bed and run to the nearest jewelry shopping for an engagement ring. And this is — excuse me. To persuade the lady Archer in a serious relationship is not a booger to strncat and feat.
11th place — Aries
11-th place goes to the rams, which fiercely, furiously annoyed by the ridiculous antics of the male types of bouquets (such money for such vulgarity, I’m sorry the Universe!), chivalry (my great-grandmother hand you will serve, wise guy!) and dinners in expensive restaurants highlighted (walk, flaw, pension accrued?). So what Rams do not need to win. Aries prefers to win itself. And here already or give up, or do the legs. Fast happy feet! Well, that is still does not help, of course,because “you can not — teach, do not want that to happen”, but to give this advice we were required. It is impossible, in fact, that is to deprive people of any hope for salvation.
10th place — Virgo
In order to win the fair maiden, do nothing. Nothing at all. You just need to meet her requirements for a man. Yes, all three volumes of requirements, each of which the thickness of a telephone directory of Moscow and Moscow region. If you meet a virgin any more. If not — you sincerely and honestly cut another approach. But if you like to match, but trying to add themselves to the points,demonstrating cooking techniques macho — beware: even if you are virgin do not need, it get a hold of you. Grabbed and not let go until you knock out of your pretty head all this extra crap. The effect of the treatment is lifelong. The result is not much different from lobotomy.
9th place — Scorpio
An unexpected turn! All somehow believe that you can win lady Scorpio is an incredibly difficult task, but actually it is simple. The principle of action is familiar to any man since early childhood: going to emerald city, find Goodwin and ask him for his brains, heart and courage. Courage is needed to be able to do the Scorpion to approach the brain — to you once a tail gets crushed,and the heart she’ll roast him and eat with nice Chianti.
8th place — Cancer
The question of “How to conquer a girl-Cancer?” is the stupidest question in the world. Another would be to ask,how to breathe, for example. Just marry her, man. Other way still does not exist, and who is he actually needed? Much more difficult other question: how to win her back yourself, if suddenly overtaken by such a need? And, frankly, the answer to this question we do not know. That is to win myself back on the same principle: just divorce her, man. But how to pull it off, leaving the claw clamped firmly the most valuable, unknown to science. If the claw clip is all finito. However, as a consolation, I can report that after the divorce with a Cancer you probably take it to the Studio. Cartoons voice.
7th place — Taurus
Record recipe: to win the lady of Taurus, need to be fun dunce. His Board guy she will never get bored. With whom you can talk about anything and he’ll understand. That you just don’t need something to portray. With whom you can drink “Zhiguli” under fried sausage to grandma’s cottage with a toilet system of “hole in the ground.” The sausage is first necessary to wear a platinum ring with Karatnycky. Whence such money at a truly gouging? Calf Yes what difference where? This is not her problem, so that you understand. Her tomorrow just to have something of themselves to represent, so let’s nip round the horn!
6th place — Leo
To honor the Central place in the horoscope and very very simple recipe for the conqueror. Just pay her lots of attention, bro. Even more attention! If you want to do without exercise “I crawl behind you on my knees for a thousand miles, dear!”, it is possible to represent the same thing in monetary terms. In General, long or expensive, pick one of the two. Both options are without any guarantee, by the way. Welcome to adulthood!
5th place — Libra
The top five open Scales, which it is absolutely impossible to win, not having a set of basic qualities: good education, nice upbringing, a developed sense of beauty, erudition, and — oops, man, you here did not stand, get out of queue! — the appearance of a beautiful elf. Meet? That’s all right then. Now stand under the balcony and wait for when she’ll decide that she did or did not. Only the first sweep out the ashes of his predecessor, who exactly on this spot died of old age. Blurred even.
4th place — Gemini
An unexpected turn! Frivolous and lightweight, the Twins almost got to the three leaders. Because to win the Twins — not the cat sneezed: Gemini ready for a relationship only if they are interested. And in order to the girl Twin has become of you I wonder have lard brain with information until it boils. And then learn smooth to put her Twins on a platter of outstanding eloquence, with sarcasm, cynicism and black humor. And then she still thinks, of course. Suddenly you’re a fucking lunatic? In the sense that if not, if not crazy and normal — by pass.
3rd place — Aquarius
Third place, bronze medal and diploma “For outstanding achievements in the Dynamo 80th level” goes to Aquarius. Yes, bro, it’s Dinamo, but what! Aquarius genuinely love you and your ridiculous antics are shy,and wacky gifts, and flowers. It really is with great pleasure that going on a date with you — at least in the theatre, even in the restaurant, at least in Park on a bench. And the handle of her walking like and flirt, and laugh at your jokes. All of this is completely sincere,not the slightest lie. And sincerely as she does not want to bed with you. Exactly. Ha ha, suck it!
2nd place — Capricorn
The silver medal goes to Capricorn, to conquer which is a slippery slope. Even if you bring her on a platter the head of a dragon — the hand of the Princess does not get it. Well, if the hand of some outside the Princess, who happen to have Capricorn in the economy since the time of fascination with science anatomy (don’t open, by the way, to the Bank,formalin is very smelly). The thing is that Capricorn is not needed fleeting novels. Capricorn looking for a serious relationship with an eye to the “lived happily ever after and died in one day.” But first, she wants to live happily ever after in itself. But you, if anything,come in. Well, suddenly she’s now passionate about the science of psychology and she needs the drug of type “Man in love, desperate, one piece”?
1st place — Fish
TA-dam! First place and gold medal get Fish! Which, as everyone knows,very cold, brooding, self-absorbed and seem to be generally a little bit not of this world. So to win they need to somehow especially, but how exactly — nobody knows. Surprise! We know about it. It is necessary to hang in the water and pretend to be an old holey sock. Then, maybe, the Fish will come up and, curiously examining you, wagging its tail and disappear in the ocean. Because she’s actually not self-absorbed. She just sits in an ambush in the beautiful corals. So if you do anything to win — she’ll do “AM”. Well, then — as lucky. Or just eat, or torment first. Because playing with the conquerors, like a cat with a mouse, is the most her favorite pastime.